Waiting

Memories of last weekend still embraces me. I sit alone in my apartment but something is different. Something has changed. Something has happened. I try to stay calm, but I feel as if the purpose of writing these posts has lost its meaning somewhat. I can't believe it. No, it can't heppen to me. As if I have found something that I thought I had lost forever. I see the autumn sun and the beautiful trees in all of their colors, and I wonder. The world is the same it was three months ago, but somehow it looks different now. I just can't point out what. It seems as if there is not any particular detail that has changed.  I sit down and try to relax for a while. No matter what will happen, come what may, I have at least had one moment to cherish.

I can't say it aloud because I am afraid I will loose it. My mind wonders somewhere detached from myself. I can't find the words to describe the moment. I am waiting. My hands tremble as I pick up my guitar and try to play something. My beloved instruments, my guitar and my piano, you have been there for me during all these times, and now I want to thank you for that. My beloved loneliness, I'll never forget the times we spent together, but I hope the time has come for us to part. I let the moment flow through me.

I'm still waiting, but the moments I have to wait are not bad. Everything seems so simple right now. God, am I really this optimistic? Well, I don't what to think that now. There will be days for worrying and misery, but let this day be only for the beauty of the waiting. I lie down and think of the lyrics of Nick Cave: "I think of you in motion and just how close you are getting, and how every little thing anticipates you; All down my veins my heart-strings call; are you the one that I've been waiting for?"