I think I'll never understand human existence. Once it opens like an ocean with an endless view and countless of directions to go. But then, year by year, day by day, it gets you down, weights like hell, pushing you down to the lowest of the lowest points. And it seems like all hope is gone and there is no reason to go on anymore but the pleasure of not telling people how bad you actually feel and simpy letting them sense your misery. Everything seems so dark, and only loneliness keeps you company. Why we reach this point I can't understand. I don't know why I quit struggling; thought that there was no reason to try anymore. Life really works in mysterious ways. At the point of all the self-loathe, annihilation, agony, misery, loneliness, and despair, it suddenly strikes you. And when you finally see the beauty of the existence you realize once again, that life is like an ocean; an endless view and countless of directions to go. Sometimes it just takes something unusual to happen. Something unpredictable. A chance and everything can change. I guess you'll have to reach the bottom to realize that there is only one direction to go.
At the most fundamental level life is pain and misery; it is just that we'll have to find a way to make the misery worth it. "oh Sire, I'm in love with your daughter!" You'll have to find a river at which you can sit and feel the flow of life going through you. Alone or with someone. And the river will let you know. Realize that it is the absurd irrationality that is the reason of it all. The simple fact that life is meaningless will help you find a meaning. Make some sense into this insanity and maybe someday just might be your day after all.
