The flow

...just one look into those eyes and everything seems so different. It`s the warmth that shines from the blue, and the kindness in the shades. I can`t help but stare into them, and the feeling I get is something else. It`s funny how such a small thing can make such a diffirence even though everything else seems so indifferent. In the end, however, she is always so far although she is only a few feet away. Out of reach. Meanwhile, I keep messing things up. It`s odd how I always manage to spoil everything, and the excitement of the anticipation turns into desperation...once again...why bother, then...

sets

I`m waiting. For nothing. It`s funny how fast the time runs away. And absolute nothingness embraces me as I sit and watch the world flowing somewhere in the distance. One of the weeks I have watched with great terror from the past is finally awaiting the curtain to fall so that it can spread its angst all over me. As if I did not have it enough already. Not that much in my head now. No thoughts, no words, no dreams. Waiting for the night to come. And the night will be so very dark when it finally sets...

slow nights

Sitting and waiting for nothing. No matter how hard I try I think I`ll never understand the meaning of being. Day after day I keep finding out how people are inclined to ignore me. Not that it matters, though. Soon they can ignore me for ever. It is difficult to say whether I should keep going as usual or just cut all the strings attached and vanish into the emptiness because after all it really does not make that much difference. After all the atrocities that are going on in the world I think my existence is so meaningless and trivial that I really should not be bothered by it. I`m nothing; my misery is nothing. My life is without a point but at least I have one. Well, once again another paradox I`ll never figure out. I just don`t seem to get it...