The end is the beginning

This is an end and a beginning. I always wanted to finish with style; to make a smashing exit; to be remembered; now and forever. Well, that will never happen. I have been too confused for some time now. Most importantly, however, my life, as well as my perception of it, has changed significantly over the past years. The reasons for starting to write my thoughts down in this way are no longer there. 

I do not think many people have read my thoughts. But that does not matter since my purpose never was to get many followers. If there has been only one, I am extremely grateful for all these years we have had together. Hopefully you have enjoyed it as much as I have. So many things have happened while writing. So many memories; many failures, misfortunes and setbacks, yet moments of success and joy as well. And yes, even one great transformation I always hoped for yet, I must admit, at times I believed would never happen. It's just too crazy, I know. Life is filled with despair and sorrow. Yet we should find the happiness and love behind and beyond.

My journey has reached a point now, but it is far from over. Now it is time for new adventures, though. I still have not solved the great mystery of existence. I know it has got everything to do with the “I”, the great flow of being, and, most importantly, the “Other”. Yet I do not understand how being becomes existence-for-the-other. But that is another matter; a story for the future. 

Farewell my friends. Don’t waste your time. If you chase it long enough you shall find it. If these shall be the last words I write here, I want them to remind everyone of the beauty of the journey of solving the great mystery.

I was alone

forgotten and lost

thrown into this world

swimming in the river of being

stumbling at the graveyard of lost dreams

keeping a diary

forever chasing

I was chasing the truth,

the known and the unknown,

days and nights,

sun and stars,

the silver moon at twilight,

dreams,

you

her

a better world,

the life I never had  

But all of this does not matter

anymore

because of

the life

I have now

Close your eyes

embrace the otherness

feel the beauty of existence

stop chasing

start again

then realize

that all of this

is in the-between

Welcome emancipation

In the bloom of April

As I look at the falling snow through my window I wonder whether the spring will ever come. What has happened during the past months? I can’t tell. Time moves too fast. I have lost my hold of it. Winter came and went. Yet the season has not really changed. I am, too, stuck between conflicting emotions. Too tired to start anew. Too transfixed to improve what I have. As if the world had stop turning for a few months. And me, in the middle, lost and found, asleep and awake, waiting again, not knowing the future or what am I supposed to do with it, stumbling pointlessly amidst the ever-flowing river of life. I have not been writing much lately. I hold on to the last pieces of my youth, gazing into the twilight. Maybe I should quit. Find something new. The weather outside is cold and grey, just like my mind. Who knows.. writing a blog is meaningful only if...

Twilight

Words appear 

on the paper

meaningless and shallow

without a thought

without a care

about the meaning of life

I remember my old friends

although I have not

seen them in years

Thus they only exist

in my memories

and in dreams

The twilight outside my window

tells me

that morning has passed

Just like the years

that have gone by

without a warning

forever lost

forever vanished

five of them

and many more

I have lost all hope of

keeping track of them

After a while

working

I forgot why

I was writing this down