Darkness

Things that have happened recently have really changed me. It's hard to believe that all that actually has happened. I sit alone in my room and gaze the dark night I see through the window. I have not done that for a while now, but tonight is dedicated to the memories of the past times. The darkness of the late autumn covers everything, and the coming winter has given its first signs. It will not take that long anymore until the winter will take over and let its gentle, cold breeze wipe over. The sight I see behind the window is still the same it was a couple of weeks ago, but something inside me has changed. All the worlds' darkness and misery can't bring me down right now. Loneliness and emptiness, my beloved old companions, greet me once again and embrace me gently as I sit on my couch and try not to think of the worries of the week. I have not been with you, my dear old friends, for a while now, but I have not completely forgotten you. There is so much misery inside me that it can't be taken away very quickly, but I promise I'll try to make the best out of the time that's left. Right now I don't think my original thought will carry on, though. And I owe it all to you, my dark haired friend. To you who are so far from me right now. But I don't care as long as I can still see you in the future.

Sometimes something very surprising can actually happen. There was a time when I had lost all hope, but now I wonder whether I'd be ready to start to believe again, after such a long time without faith, without a sight of hope. It's funny that it really does not take that much to be able to have faith again. I'm bit upset that I write such a positive rubbish, though. All these changes just have made to change my perspective on things. I should not be writing at all because everything I write at the moment is nonsense. But it has been that for a very long time now. I'm not sure whether I have written even one sensible post. Maybe it was not such a good idea to start to write after all. I just needed a place to express myself so badly that I felt compelled to do that. I had such a great plan and now I'm not sure whether I'll be able to follow it. Well, maybe that is not so bad. Maybe things will turn out better this way, after all.

Dear darkness, my beloved friend, let's travel to the end of the night. Tonight I don't want to see anything else but you. Tonight it is just you, dear darkness, me, and my old friends, emptiness and loneliness. Maybe this will be our last journey together. Or maybe this is just one of the many along the way. I don't know and, frankly, I don't care. I have been here so many times before. I want to change but it does not matter if nothing happens after all. Now I have had the most beautiful moments of my life, and they are something I can cherish with you, dear darkness. Our journey to the end of the night begins. I see darkness, with my eyes wide open...