Still winter

Days go by. I wonder where they all go. They flash before my eyes suddenly and without a warning. Once I sat in my empty apartment, wondering whether I'll make it through the winter, and now I sit at the same place wondering where did it all go. Each day I see how people carry on with their lives not knowing what to do or where to go. They think they have it all figured out, but they really have not. And so it goes, day after day, yer in year out. It is weird how people never really care about each other, although they always think of themselves as through the other. They think what they would do if they were in the other's place, they think what the other thinks of them. It is always through the other that people realize themselves, but it is always the self that people care of. Blessed are the few who find comfort outside of the self, and see life as it is; a meaningless and sad path of failures, misfortunes, and desperation. However, the real happiness can be found in the unconditional and selfless surrendering to the other, in the utter care for the other, and in the complete disregard of the self.

The beautiful white nature outside my window signals that there are many joyful moments for the day. My love has been gone for two months now, but soon she'll return. I wish I could explain my gratitude for her in plain and simple words, but I can't. Perhaps silence can be the best expression, though.

Too many years I wasted searching for the something that could make life worth living. I still remeber the days I spent wondering the great mysteries of life. In fact, however, I sometimes still find myself thinking about the same things, even if I now know I shouldn't. But that doesn't matter anymore. It's all the same now. I just wish I could find the strenght to go on, leave behind, to forgive and to forget. I wish I could forgive myself. Maybe someday I can.

No new thoughts today, I write on my diary. The bliss of the nothingness fulfils me, and the worries of the everyday suppress me. No new thoughts today. Maybe it's time to see what the world has to offer...