Starlight

As I sit and think of what is about to come, I just have to wonder if everything is turning upside down. I am bit afraid, I have to admit, because I think of all the damage I have done to myself during the year that has passed. Because of my depression I have distanced myself from all the people I know, and I how pretty much ruined future ahead, and now I am not sure whether I'll be able to make things ok again. I have let myself drown so deep I don't know if it is possible to get back up again. I really don't know what to expect anymore. All this seems so surreal I can't believe it. I'm so confused.

Right now I'm floating somewehere in the air, surrounded by emptiness and loneliness. But her messages have brought something different to the moment. "I read your letters, to feel better; my tears upon the fading ink." I wish I can pull myself together and face the week that's coming. All the plans and the thoughts which are on the air are making me so anxious but I want to try to overcome the anxiety. This is too strange. I can't find the words to express the feelings I'm going through at the moment.

I've cherished some memories tonight. The darkness of the room reminds me of my past, and I travel through time to see where I had gone wrong, but I can't find it. So I find myself thinking of her on my couch. Once again I'm alone, sitting in my apartment, not beeing able to define the moment. I look through the window and watch the dark sky. Somewhere in the distance I see a glimpse of the starlight I used to chase so many years ago. I wonder if it is still worth it. I wonder if I had finally found it, or if I'm soon going to find it. There's not much to say, though. I don't know what to do, so I let myself drown in dreams again...