To forgive

All that has happened recently in my life and in the world in general has once again made me to think about humanity. As hard as I try I just can't understand the persistent competition and struggle that seems to be going on. People everywhere try to overcome the other, to show that they are better than the other. This leads to the continuous urge to maximize the profits as quickly as possible. And hence all the problems there are. Humanity is sickness. Why? It should not be that. People should be happy of the simple realization of their existence. Happiness should come from the feeling of being. People should simply sit by a river and see the air above, the ground beneath, flying birds and growing flowers. We should realize the bliss of being alone and of being alone together with the other. We should simply see the beauty we are blessed with. We should see the beauty of being, beauty that continuously flows around us. There is so much beauty in the world, but people have turned it into ugliness by their greed and desire to be above everything else. And the other is always to blame. Fault is never in the self. The simple fact, however, is that it is me and no one else who is to blame. I alone am completely responsible of everything and everyone. I owe it all to you because without you there would be no meaning in my existence. I would simply be without existing. When do we realize that the way to happiness is much more simple than we believe. All we need to do is to want less, be happy with less, to have respect for the other, and to realize that is not about winning and it never was. I have been chasing for that something for so long now that I have forgotten what life is all about. And now, as I am counting the days, I finally see how simple it actually was. And now it is too late.All is lost. Some of the recent accidents I have faced actually were out of my control, but I don't want to complain anymore. I have been angry because of everything that has happened of which I have been completely innocent. But I have learned to accept it now. I am not in terms with myself yet, but I hope I will find the way to make ends meet before my time finally comes, and it is coming. All the time. I can feel it. There are yet too many days to go, but I have found the way to get through them. I just have not found the way to forgive myself yet. To forgive. I forgive the humanity. Now I have no hard feelings with anybody anymore. I forgive you. The day we start to put the other before our immediate needs is the day the world will go towards a better direction. Will that day ever come? I think it won't. There is no need to loose all faith yet, however.

Last days of summer are at hands. It is already dark. No shades, no beautiful colours of the setting sun. Just simple darkness that embraces me. Though I have forgiven the most recent misery that's been given to me, I'm still bit upset of having to stay at home yet for another night. Eventually, however, there will be another night. I'm still not able to close my eyes but I have learned to live with that too. I just wish that you, my beloved transcendental reader, will learn to see and appreciate the beauty you have in your life. Appreciate and cherish the being, and have all the respect for the love you possibly have in your life. There is no love in my life, and there never was. Once I was angry but not anymore. Despite all that my days are numbered. I can't believe that soon one summer has once again come to pass. I can't believe how many seasons I have seen already. The thing to remeber of this summer is the moment of sitting on my couch, embraced by solitude and darkness, my precious companions, and thinking while wathing the dance of the colours of the sky. I also remeber her beautiful face. "I forgive you the fact that you have not been the friend to me that I have probably been to you. It does not matter anymore. I reached out for a hand that was taken away from me, but all that is in the past now. I wish you understand how much I cherish your every word." With great confusion I sit back on my couch and cherish the loneliness...little worries of lost time rush through my mind...I try to define the beauty of the darkness of the room...