Shades of gray

Every now and then there comes a time when it is just so difficult to express thoughts with words. Long time passes by without any words. Empty page keeps staring back at me while I struggle trying to define the moment. I'm so tried. I just wish I could close my eyes, for I have not been able to do that for a while now. I look out through the window and think about the summer that has turned towards its end. "There is still time", I say to myself. Nothing has happened. I have not been able to change. Memories from two years ago fill my mind, for some reason. Little things bring joy to my life. "I really wish I'm the only one in this country to have that shirt, you know. That's one of the reasons why I ordered that." Then the reality hits me once again, trying to bring me down. And the anxiety strikes me every morning reflecting itself from the mirror. "Rain down on me; I'm only happy when it rains." "I'm so glad that I can write to you again." I just wish I could close my eyes, just for a short little while. I hope this waiting is coming to its end. Next weekend I'll be back on the track. "You know, you look so fine; you're taking me over." I just wish I could close my eyes. Some say that depression kills creativity, while other say creativity can come out of depression. I don't know which one is right. I think it depends on the moment. Otherwise things have gone surprisingly well, and I'm prepared for the hard times to come. In some kind of a freaky way it has been nice to see the changes of the sky through the window during the summer. Colours of the sky and the sun above the field on the other side of the road have truly been inspirational during these weeks of boredom and agony. They have made these evenings into something beautiful, almost poetic some could say. And all the shades of gray surround me while I think about the time to still come. Last period of a season has begun. I just wish I could close my eyes. Next week, perhaps... I'm writing this simply to get something done.